I Sigh, Therefore I Breathe
Types of rest, anxious overachievers, rest versus distraction, what it means to recharge
I was always an anxious kid. I worried. I froze during tests and would forget to breathe when stressed. At one point, my mother took me to the doctor, worried about my inability to simply remember to breathe. He assured her I was fine and would grow out of it. I am writing to report that he was partially correct. My partner now knows my large sighs are less about annoyance and more about me remembering to breathe.
My mother channeled my anxious little brain toward better grades by offering me $2 for every test I brought home with a score of 90% or higher. Growing up, we didn’t get an allowance. Chores were an expectation, not a way to earn pocket change. So, this was the first time I had control over making money. I sometimes wonder if this planted a trigger in my brain—one that shaped my relationship with work as I moved into my teens and adulthood. It was then I realized someone would pay me for being smart.
Exhaustion and stress shorten lives. And personally, it isn’t a lovely feeling—to have my internal battery drained while my brain buzzes with endless to-dos.
Over the years, I’ve had times when this cycle was better managed and times when it wasn’t. Right now, I’m somewhere in the middle. But what I’ve gotten better at is being aware. In my 20s, I wasn’t aware that I was addicted to the stress cycle. That addiction made me a technically great student but one who was less about learning and more about conquering. It was hard. Everything felt hard. Now, I can see how my love of learning was overshadowed by my inability to manage my energy, focus, and stress.
That’s why I’ve created boundaries around work. I don’t work evenings. If I need to work on a weekend, it’s intentional, strategic, and, most importantly, rare. I ask myself, “What is enough?” and say “no” to projects when I realize they’re linked more to childhood fears than to adult goals.
I meditate. I write for myself. I read. I take photos. I play video games with my partner and cuddle my dog. I’ve come to recognize that the little anxious overachiever inside me needs care and gentleness. She needs to walk in the woods, to sink into the couch with a fantasy novel. That little girl who couldn’t breathe because she was so stressed about a test now sits through Zoom calls and deals with accountants. She does admin work and plans her career. She overthinks where she’ll live in a year and is always thinking, thinking, thinking.
I’ve learned that when I’m anxious or stressed and craving rest, the answer isn’t always the obvious one, like collapsing on the couch. Sometimes I need to move my body or find inspiration. I’ve learned that the little girl I’m caring for loves to draw and be creative. An hour of getting lost in art helps more than overthinking or “treating” myself to distractions like social media.
Every year, as the holidays approach, clients ask me to write about rest. By this point in the calendar, exhaustion feels universal. But how we’re exhausted tends to differ. Below are lessons I’ve learned through my work and personal experiences—lessons that have reframed rest for me. I hope they help you as much as they’ve helped me.
Rest versus Distraction
Doom scrolling. Rotting. These aren’t verbs we typically associate with doing nothing, yet they’ve become shorthand for the way we “rest” in modern life. As a society, we’ve agreed that when we need rest, we reach for distraction. We pick up the phone, hit play on another episode, and eventually, Netflix asks, “Are you still watching?” Physically, yes—but mentally? Not so much.
We love distractions because they allow us to forget the demands placed on us by life—and by ourselves. But is this true rest? The reality is, these habits are likely triggering your sympathetic nervous system, the part of your body responsible for stress and alertness.
Constant consumption of alarming, exciting, or even just stimulating content keeps your brain on high alert. Your mind perceives a threat, even when there’s no real danger. This is why you don’t feel uplifted or truly rested when your phone finally slips from your hand. Add to this the fact that algorithms are designed to hook you like a slot machine, keeping you scrolling endlessly for the next “reward.”
And before you say, “But I watch Gilmore Girls or something low-key,” remember that even the most breezy entertainment is crafted to hold your attention. Drama, emotional stakes, and engaging storylines tie you to characters and outcomes. This emotional engagement can release cortisol—a stress hormone—into your system.
There’s also a phenomenon called passive overload. Even light, seemingly relaxing shows require your brain to process visuals, track storylines, and interpret dialogue. By constantly processing, your brain never truly switches “off.” This effect compounds when you binge-watch, as the urge for “just one more episode” overrides your ability to stop.
Chronic stress keeps your nervous system stuck in high alert mode, making it harder to fully relax. The body’s fight-or-flight response becomes overactive, leaving you feeling anxious, tense, or completely drained—even when you think you’re “relaxing.”
I’m not here to demonize TV or your phone. I enjoy them, too. But it’s worth understanding that after a full day of “rotting on the couch,” you may not feel as rested as you hoped. So, watcher beware: distraction is not the same as rest.
Rest versus Recharging
I recently came across a video while doom scrolling that called me out big time. Yes, I’m not perfect—I also cave to Netflix and my phone. Dr. Luyi Kathy Zhang, a hospice and palliative care physician, shared an analogy that completely reframed my understanding of rest. She explained that there are two key aspects to feeling rested, using the example of a bath.
When you step into a bath hoping to relax, two things need to happen: First, you need to ensure water is flowing into the tub, filling it. Second, you must make sure the drain is plugged so the water doesn’t escape.
Now, apply this to your desire to feel rested. You need to do something to recharge (fill the tub), and you need to stop doing things that drain your energy.
This might mean pausing your busy schedule or putting away your phone. But here’s the catch: simply stopping isn’t enough. That’s why, after a full day of binge-watching, you often still feel exhausted. You may have rested, but you didn’t recharge. These two things are distinct. Rest is passive. Recharging is active.
Dr. Zhang wrote in her caption, “I see this so often in my work in hospice—people running on empty for years, prioritizing everything else but themselves. At the end of their lives, they often wish they’d spent more time taking care of their own needs instead of constantly giving to others.”
So, remember her analogy:
Plug the drain—Stop doing things that drain your energy.
Add more water—Do things that genuinely replenish, restore, and nourish you.
7 Types of rest
I came across several years ago, the concept that not all rest is the same. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith in her book Sacred Rest, outlined 7 types of rest. Use the list below to determine what you need, I have included passive (rest) and active (recharge) versions of each so you can figure out what you really need.
1. Physical Rest
What it is: Rest that allows your body to recover from physical exertion.
Signs you need it:
Do you feel physically tired even after a full night’s sleep?
Are you experiencing muscle tension or soreness?
How to get it:
Passive Rest: Prioritize 7–9 hours of quality sleep or take restorative naps.
Active Rest: Incorporate practices like gentle yoga, stretching, or massage therapy to improve circulation and mobility.
2. Mental Rest
What it is: Rest that calms an overactive mind.
Signs you need it:
Is your mind racing with thoughts, even during downtime?
Do you feel mentally exhausted or overwhelmed?
How to get it:
Schedule mental breaks during your day—step away from tasks for a few moments.
Practice journaling or guided meditation before bed to quiet your thoughts.
3. Emotional Rest
What it is: Rest that allows you to be authentic and process your emotions.
Signs you need it:
Are you frequently irritable, anxious, or moody?
Do you feel like you’re constantly people-pleasing or suppressing your feelings?
How to get it:
Set boundaries and express your true feelings without guilt.
Spend time with people who uplift and support you emotionally.
4. Spiritual Rest
What it is: Rest that reconnects you with your sense of purpose and belonging.
Signs you need it:
Do you feel disconnected or lacking purpose?
Are you searching for deeper meaning in your life?
How to get it:
Engage with a spiritual (whatever that means to you) community, either locally or online.
Dedicate time to prayer, meditation, or practices that connect you to something greater.
5. Social Rest
What it is: Rest that balances your need for meaningful connections and solitude.
Signs you need it:
Do you feel drained by social interactions?
Are you feeling isolated or lonely?
How to get it:
Spend time with people who energize and inspire you.
Take intentional breaks from draining social obligations or overly stimulating interactions.
6. Sensory Rest
What it is: Rest that helps you recover from sensory overload.
Signs you need it:
Are you regularly exposed to loud noises or bright screens?
Do you feel overstimulated by your environment?
How to get it:
Close your eyes for a moment of silence or use noise-canceling headphones.
Create screen-free zones or time blocks in your day to unplug and recharge.
7. Creative Rest
What it is: Rest that rekindles inspiration and curiosity.
Signs you need it:
Are you feeling uninspired or stuck creatively?
Do you lack time for hobbies or activities that bring you joy?
How to get it:
Spend time in nature to reawaken your sense of awe.
Surround yourself with inspiring elements, like art or books, and carve out time for creative pursuits.
Personal Work
Dose of Inspiration
Hey, you made it to the end! I have a little secret for you! Over the past several months, I've picked one wellness aspect to focus on each month. After several years of moves, lockdowns, and being away from my community, I lost some cherished habits that help me feel my best. So I started small—one month was simply reconnecting with my eating habits. Since we eat healthy whole foods at home, it was more of a check-in: Am I getting enough veggies? Am I getting enough protein? (No, I never am, lol).
Then came meditation. I did it for 45 straight days and haven't stopped. I don't count the days anymore—that's not the relationship I want with meditation—but it helped me carve out the time I needed and relearn the habit.
This month is about adding more strength work. I used to lift regularly but had stopped completely. Now, we've committed to going to the gym as a couple every Saturday morning, and I go at least once during the week. While I've been doing yoga and Pilates at home, I realized I hadn't lifted anything heavy in ages. With hiking goals next year, I need to build strength to carry a heavy pack for many kilometers.
Now, here's the secret: I feel completely disconnected from my strength! When I sit at machines or pick up weights, I'm totally baffled by what I can and cannot do. It's humbling—I'm unclear about my limits and feel like a complete newbie at the gym. It's honestly frustrating. I've officially asked my partner, Corey, to write me a plan. Living with someone who has a PhD, a Master's in Kinesiology, and used to be a personal trainer definitely has its perks. The hard part will be listening to him (lol)—sometimes the people closest to us are the hardest to take advice from, even when they're the experts. Wish me luck!